October Musings

As summer turns into fall, I can not help but remember my loved ones who passed.  October is the month my mother, my Uncle and my Nephew passed away.  I always fear October, but love it at the same time.  I enjoy the brisk winds that blow the leaves through the street.  The sudden rain burst and of course the summer trying to have its last fling, by making some days so hot it's unbearable to wear a furry costume.

October is also the month of birthdays in my family, my son and my niece were born in October so I know there are parties to go to and parties to plan.  None of this makes October any easier to bear.  Sometimes I wake up and the heaviness of the month just bears down to my soul, I miss my Mother and her cooking, her warmth, and just her being here with me.

I miss looking forward to my Uncles next visit and mostly I miss my nephews smile and laughter. Yet year after year, I look forward to October more than any other month of the year.  Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  I enjoy the decorations of orange and black, also because they are Giant colors so Halloween to me, is so San Francisco. I love that dead things are glorified and put on display as decorations, there is an eerie weirdness to decorating with headstones, witches, skeltons and goblins.  I love it. 

I love October, it is the portal to the rest of the holiday season, we start to get three day weekends in October and then they morph into a two day week in November, followed by a great two week vacation in December oh joy!  It's only October and I am planning out the end of my year.  I can not wait.  This is what October means to me. 

So as I walk my city streets, crumbling the dry leaves under my feet I remember my loved ones and I remember that summer has ended again. I do not know how many other summers I have left under my belt and how many more loved ones I will say good bye to in October, this year Steve Jobs joined my October death watch and the whole world mourned, now they know how I feel about October. It is still early in the month and I tread carefully until October 31st, when all the evil things have full sway on this earthly realm, so I wait, watch, live and breath October.

SF Muni Travel Tales

I went to work this morning back to the old route.  The past two weeks I had been walking to work and had not taken the bus.  This morning I was running behind and I had two dollars in my pocket so I decided why not. I got on the bus and the usual driver was there and she told me, " Hey where you been?"  she went on to tell me she hadn't seen me for awhile and wondered what had happened to me.

I was taken aback because we really hadn't had much interactions, but I always say good morning to her and say thank you when I get off the bus.  I told her I had been off from work and went to sit in my seat in the back of the bus, the one I always sit at.  At the next stop the guy who always gets on this stop got on and said " Hey where you been?" again,  I thought what's going on.  I told him oh I had been off work, he said he missed me too. When I got off the bus everyone said, bye have a good day and I returned the salutation.

I was thinking about this and got a warm fuzzy feeling, because I have often thought about when people die I know that their love ones miss them, but what about the people you randomly see every day are they afected by your mysterious disappearance.  I did not have to die to find out, yea they do.  It's the little things you do everyday that make an impact of some sort.  I believe even if you are that grumpy guy who comes in for coffee at Starbucks every morning you are gonna be missed when you stop showing up. 

So that means I have to show up, and when I show up I shouldn't be grumpy I should be happy and cheerful because obviously just a good morning to a bus driver and a smile to a fellow passenger really makes a difference. Imagine the difference you could make by saying good morning to your bus driver, and smiling to your fellow passengers.  Say nice things to your janitors at your work place or the kids who serve your coffee.  Even to the homeless guy, he is important too, because as my journey continued this morning I met a homeless gentleman.

He was at my third and last bus stop. I was cold and he asked me, "where's your jacket".  I said, " this is it". He said, " you don't have a jacket"? I said "no", then he said, " maybe it was warm in your house and you stepped out into the cold to fast".  I looked at him and thought, wow, here you are worried about me and I know you slept in the street.  I didn't ignore him I started to talking to him and then we got to laughing and he was a pretty funny guy.  He had a lot of ideas about work, his main one was that work was only invented to keep folks sober, because if you didn't work you would probably be drinking all day long and just getting into trouble. I found a lot of logic in that.  He also said that we should not look at smoking as a negative.  Here is his point.  Smoking kills many people, but how many does it save?  I said I don't know, he went on to tell me that how many times have people decided against doing something wrong when they go outside for a cigarette instead.  I was having such a good time chatting it up with him, I missed my bus and he ran across the street to stop it and made the driver wait for me. 

I thanked him and got on the bus, thanked the driver and sat down.  I thought I was feeling pretty crappy this morning and everyone helped me see things differently.  I learned that I'm appreciated even by strangers and they genuinely cared what happened to me.  We really have to stop wallowing in self pity and thinking the world is against us, we go about our lives with our earphones on or participating in it through cyberspace.  Liking this, disliking that.  Voyeristically participating in our friends lives via facebook, but not seeing them or interacting with them. I learned a lot this morning and I want to be present everyday from now on. 

Meditation teaches us that we need to silence the voices in our head to see what is really happening in front of us and I believe it.  We should also leave our headphones at home so we can hear and see what the world is saying to us and see what's really happening,  You are happening, every day, every hour.  Someone is listening and responding to you.  So be aware, be you, and be kind, because a small kindness goes a long way.

Religion what is it good for?

I know this question was posed regarding War, by War, but I pose this question to myself because lately I have many unanswered questions.  I am not a fan of organized religion, but I believe and I have faith in a higher power and I suppose it is this faith and belief that make me question the validity of organized religions.

I base my dismay on two fundemental beliefs that all religions are based on.  Number one, there is a higher power and number two, we are created in the image of our higher.  If we all believe this, why is there so many discrepancies?  Why do we argue about this, and why do we kill each other over it?

These two ideals should unite us, not seperate us.  We are here because we are suppposed to be here.  Everyone of us is here because, we are.  No one is here because they are better than anyone else, we are all created equally.  If you show me someone who did not come into this world differently than by putting sperm to egg then I will be impressed.  No matter how you slice it, dice it you need these two elements regardless if they come together in a tube, petrie dish or the good old fashion way it is a life and it is supposed to be born. BTW, I am not a right to lifer either, humans have a choice and whatever choice you make, no one has the right to tell you they are wrong.

Catholics are not better than Protestants, Muslims are not better than Christians and Fundementalist are not the chosen ones.   They just are not.  We are all just people, created in the image of our creator and if we believe that then it only follows that we need to live up to those ideals.  Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong.  We are basically good if we share, love and respect each other.  We are evil if we kill, steal or otherwise harm one another.  We all agree on that, so where does this crazy blurring occur when do we agree to kill for "God" or declare "Holy Wars".   Holy and War should not even be in the same room together, much less sanction death, harm and exclusion of any other humans.
These are the contradictions that keep me up at night and make me question our "humanity."  When I see this I can not believe that any other rational human can believe any of this rubbish.  To use it against one another is totally crazy.  So to answer my own question, What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing.

I can not get behind any organized belief system that is selective, exclusionary and hateful of others.  I can not believe in any group that says it is ok to hate certain people and turn one group against another.  I can not get behind preaching one groups virtues while ignoring everyone elses.  I just can not and if this guarantees me a spot in hell, I hope that my fellow hellians are equally funny, happy, loving folk like me.  That we respect everyone and celebrate our differences because if that is what being a hell raiser is all about, then I know I have a front row seat.

This is what I was thinking about while stuck in a meeting for work, don't send me to meetings anymore my mind tends to wander.

Felines are Females Best Friends

Dog is man's best friend, which is kind of typical.  Leave it to a man to want an animal to be obdient, loyal and jump whenever he is in the room.  Do not get me wrong, I like dogs, they are wonderful creatures, but to have an animal be a true friend, does it not mean that we have to accept them for the creatures that they are with all their beastly wiles intact?

Cats are independent, they do what they please and trying to train them to be anything resembling anything else but a cat, well it's downright impossible.  When I first got married I wanted four children and two cats. As luck would have it I ended up with five cats and two kids.  The four legged children have made my life a complete joy. I will start with Floofy who is my oldest, he is sixteen years old.  Thats old for a cat, I found him in a box at the Bart Station in Glen Park.   His other siblings were cute and different colors, he was jet black and no one wanted him, I of course fell in love with him because he was a black cat. Floofy is the most awesome cat ever, he is a frat boy in a cat body.  He drinks water from the sink and hangs out with the guys while they are drinking and partying.  He has his own facebook page.  He has kept me company through some of my darkest days and I hope that I can be here for him during the twilight of his days.  These days he just wants to sleep and drink water, he is no longer Floofy, he's just kind of ratty and skinny, but we still love him. His personality has not changed, so that's a good thing.

Wyck is a Russian Blue, who technically is not my cat.  He is my daughter's ex-boyfriends cat, but he could not live with him.  So we kept him.  Wyck is all alley cat, he is big, buff and has scars all over his face and years from hanging in the Mission.  Like the gangbangers with their tatoos in the Mission, if you really get passed all the bravado, you find a person who had to learn to survive and has a part to play, but if you open up your heart you get to know that it is all an act and deep down they are just pussycats.  Just like my Wyck.

Pudge Pudge and Oni are adopted because friends of ours felt this would be a good place to leave these cats they loved, but couldn't take care of.  So they live with us and half of our neighbors we share these guys with everyone, because they are just to cute to turn away when they go to their doorsteps or windows.  That is the reason they smell like talculm powder and are super fat.

My latest cat is Little Mama, she was a stray and we saw her on 23rd and she was just so beautiful we had to have her.  I slunk around twenty third waiting to see her again.  When I finally did she just came up to me and showed me where she hung out.  I asked the owner of the house if she was his and he said no, that his nephew was just feeding her because she had kittens.  I did not bargain for more than one cat, but I told the gentleman I would take them.  He said they were too small, but I said I would wait and bring food over to help him take care of the little family.  I came back the next day with my little bag of food and he told me she had moved the kittens.  I was disappointed because I thought I would never see her again, but she had brought out her kittens to a tree where I could just pick her up.  She had six kittens all super cute and when they were big enough they all went to loving homes and she stayed with me.

She sleeps with me and my husband, which if you know my husband is not something he is never up for,
ever.  Little Mama, has stolen his heart.  She makes him laugh and helps him not worry at night when our kids are all out and about and it's just me and him.  She entertains us and makes us laugh and before we know it we are tired and just want to go to bed instead of waiting up for our kids.  Then she comes in and snuggles between us and with her warm little body there it reminds us of when we had our own little ones and everything is right with the world.

Cats can be friends for life, and if you have a friend you know that the best friend you have is someone who is perfect just the way they are. They may not call, they may not come by or you don't see them for years, but when they walk back into your life it's like they never left. That is how cats are, perfect just the way they are.

Borders and Books

      My son brought up an interesting point today.  He expressed a dismay about the closing of Borders bookstores.  When the first Borders bookstore opened in San Francisco, I also felt dismayed, but my dismay was based on the fear that Borders would eat up all the independent bookstores San Francisco is famous for.  City Lights, DogEar Books, Modern Times all great bookstores, and I feared for their longevity.

     My fear was unfounded because as we speak all those bookstores are still in existence and Borders is closing. Another thing my son is worried about is the Kindle, he believes that the Kindle will somehow kill books as we know them.  Books as I know them can never die, they live in my memory and they live in me.
A book is an old friend I can visit again and again.  A book helps me recapture my youth and takes me away from the humdrum of this existence. Where else but in a book can I be transported from a crowded muni bus to the Hogwarts train. 
    In a book I see the effort I put into it, I read only two pages that is how far my bookmark goes, if I am really, really into a book  I can read half of it in one sitting.   I keep a book in every room in my house.  My bedroom book is usually a mystery novel.  The bathroom book is usually some short and happy one.  The one I read while everyone watches TV is usually a self help book.  Lately, I have been engrossed in books about meditation and gratitude which is why I am doing this blog.  I needed a forum to express my gratitude about the little things in my life that I really appreciate and hopefully others appreciate them too, and if not maybe help someone see that life is full of gifts and we just have to stop and say wow, I never thought of that, but that truly is a blessing. 
          So is the closing of Borders a gift?  I say yes, because it made me realize that one, my son loves books and two it motivated me to write about my love of books. Both things I would not have realized had the topic of conversation been about the closing of Borders Bookstores.